me-lt

Act I. Deceiving Darlings Demanding Desires Decoded. Documenting Details Drenched Delightful Dinners. Dazzling Descriptions Displayed Drama Dearly. Act II. Disappearing Devotions: Dully Darkened. Distrustful Diatribes: Disturbingly Deranged. Diseased Desperation: Disgustedly Depressed. Daunting Distances: Disappointingly Deprived. Detested Dissonances: Dreadfully Distraught. Act III. Devastated. Damaged. Destroyed.

An offer of degradation. An acceptance of desperation. Thus begins my job. Four days a week that feel like forty. Five hours a day that feel like fifty. A part time job that feels like full-time. Ambiguous orders. Vague directions. I cannot read minds. Snide comments. Sardonic remarks. I do not deserve this. A letter of freedom. A notice of two weeks. Soon, I will be free.

Act I. Summer School. Strikingly Stunning. Serendipitous Surprise. Shattered. Act II. Soiled Scent. Smelting Snow. Scandalous Steal. Shock. Act III. Slippery Slopes. Schizophrenic Songs. Staggering Shock. Secrets. Act IV. Scorned Souls. Saddened Swans. Supposed Suddenly. Severed. Act V. Serenading Sonnets. Soaring Spirits. Searching Stopped. Softness.

How I compare myself to you constantly... How I wonder what you truly think... How I hope to surpass you... When I was the only one in the race. How I measure myself based on you... How I track your every move... How I envy your life... When I have my own to live. How I fear you will break my happiness... How I see you as an invisible enemy... How I hope you won't notice me... When I know that you do. I've searched for you in everything. In time. In words. In emotions. I've followed you through it all. Through time.   Through words.   Through emotions. I've seen you during all this time. During time. During words.

Breakfast.  Lunch.  Dinner.   Toast.  Sandwich.  Salad.   Omelet.  Chicken wings.  Burger. Donut.  Pizza.  Fries.   Ice cream.  Brownies.  Custard. All parts of a game, where no one can win, And only losers prevail. A scale of increasing and decreasing numbers.   A point system of half- and quarter- points.   A measurement of volume instead of weight. It's a d o w n w a r d spiral.

My (green) garden.  Your cold (house). I have kept the flowers blooming for you. Flowers you do not care for in the least. You have provided a house for me. A house that freezes my insides. My (oxygen).  Your (carbon dioxide).   I breathe you in and feel alive. My heart pumps in sync with yours. You breathe me out and feel relieved. After all, no one stores up poisonous gases. My welcoming (climate).  Your bitter (change). I remain open for you with my heart and my arms. The gates of my world would never close for you. You discarded my invitation as you did previously. Nothing stays the same, I shouldn’t expect you t

Addition: Somehow you and I do not add up to enough. Subtraction: Maybe you minus her meant you would be incomplete. Multiplication: One negative and one positive bring a negative result. Division: The great divide between us, I end up a fraction of myself. You once said I could see the math in things.   Numbers and statistics and logic were my strengths. My strengths have turned to weaknesses. Logic has no place for matters of the heart. Statistics are used as ammunition in love. Numbers…perhaps they were imaginary after all.

I hide.   A wall of ice.  An armor of frost.  A mask of snow. You seek. I reject. Motions like blizzards.  Words like hail.  Tears like avalanche. You accept. I fear. Kisses like fire.  Embraces like heat.  Touches like steam.   You comfort. You.  Melt...  Me. No more cold.  Only warmth. Ice and frost and snow.   Blizzards and hail and avalanche.   Fire and heat and steam. All turns to water. We swim.